So we’re in the middle of moving, fun stuff. Great time of the year to do it too… no added stress or anything. And instead of packing like I should be, I’m on here procrastinating. Of course, that could be because of all these overwhelming emotions I’m feeling too… fear, discomfort (I hate change), sadness… a lot of sadness… maybe this is my way of sorting everything out…
I’m not too sure why I feel so sad. Other than it being our first home, we haven’t had any significant memories happen here. Like kids or grand scale remodeling or family get-togethers… yet my heart still aches. My husband doesn’t understand (he tries) because he’s already moved on. To him it was just a small starter home, something to build equity with, not our “forever” home. And I get that because that’s how I felt at first too.
Then we lived here for a few years… things became comfortable, meaningful, ours. Just looking around invokes all these memories. Outback my husband built me these beautiful raised garden beds. Because our houses are so close together, the dirt had to be dumped in our driveway and he had to haul it to our backyard by hand. And believe me, it was a lot of dirt; those boxes are deep! Or how my husband and father finished fencing in our backyard (the old owners only did three sides–weird), so our dogs could roam free. Or inside where my husband, father, father-in-law, and brother-in-law worked hard to make our home nice before we moved in. They painted, put down a new dining room floor, scraped off the old ugly popcorn ceiling, patched holes, laid new carpet downstairs… you name it, they did it. Without them our house wouldn’t be a home. (Don’t even get me started on how grateful I am or how guilty I feel for selling after all their hard work.)
But I know this isn’t where we want to be forever, especially if we have kids. The school district is terrible. The safety of our neighborhood is becoming questionable (just had three cop cars breaking up a fight the other night). We’re surrounded by industry, a few of which have been found guilty in some pretty serious lawsuits. If we have more than one child our house will be very cramped. Outside, we’d like our kids to have some space to run around or have a swing-set or just be able to play ball without breaking a window (something my husband almost did!). Plus, in a few years we’ll have to make some major updates and if we put the money into the house, we just won’t see a return on it. So I get it, I do, but it still makes me sad. *Sniff, sniff*
Le sigh… at least I’ll always have the memories and we’ll make more fun, exciting memories in the new house. I am looking forward to that. Chin up, right? This is a new year filled with new beginnings! And it’s gonna be great!
Okay, less procrastinating, more packing, chop chop… apologies if I am absent from here or slow in responding too. Not sure when we’ll have our internet hooked up. (Gah, what am I going to do with myself?) All right, hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I’ll be thinking of you all!